Time... Where does it go?

I hate to disappoint my loyal Bible on the Bus readers but this blog is not totally devoted to what has been going on, on bus 7 from Heaven, but more of what God has laid on my heart to talk about and deal with over the past few weeks. So I hope I don't turn you away or let you down but to maybe lift you up or meet you in the same place where I find myself today...

Time is of essence to all of us. What do we do with it? Where do we spend it? How do we spend it? And with whom do we spend it? Is it spent wisely or foolishly? Do we miss it when it's gone? What would we do with it if we could get it back? Powerful questions and with good reason. God gives us one life and we are to choose wisely how we spend it and what we do with it. He created us for one reason and that is to spread the Good News with others. Knowing all that, somehow I still choose to take the long way around or the way that is harder. Not sure why, but I do.

Since I started nursing school a few weeks ago, this thing called time, has been lost. I am not sure where it goes but it always seems to get away from me. No matter how I try to capture it, it is always just a fingertip away from my grasp. I rise with our chickens and fall asleep well after dark but that doesn't seem to matter. Time just keeps slipping away and what have I really accomplished at the end of the day? Not to much that really mattered, unfortunately.

Time is given to me each day to spend wisely. I try, I mean I REALLY try to do my very best to spend those 24 hours wisely but I fail miserably each and every day. Over the past few weeks, I have lost touch with the kids on my bus because I am only driving two afternoons. I really don't even try to get to know them. I just drive as fast as I can to get them off the bus so that I can get home and try to catch up on what I didn't get done while I was gone at school all day. I have not even changed the Bible verse on the mirror for the past several weeks. It still has Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. I have fallen down on my responsibilities at home and am relying on others to do what I should be doing. I have missed opportunity after opportunity to love on my boys that I will never get back. I have also missed so much needed time with my husband while my head was in my books studying instead. I hate to say it, but I have not even been reading my Bible each morning to start my day. Why you ask? Because I don't have time or so that is my excuse. I have filled every waking moment with studying for a career that I am not even sure that God has called me too.

So is it worth it? Is going to school really worth giving up everything else? Is it worth missing time with my husband and boys? Is it worth falling down on my responsibilities at home? Is it worth missing time with the Lord? Well, that's what everyone tells me. They say, "It's only two years, Linna"! "It will be worth it when you're done". Really? Will it? I will never get these two years of my life back, in return for a career, a very good career of taking care of others. Well, each and every day has been a struggle for me because of all of these questions and things that run through my mind. It is a struggle for me each and every day to make myself go to class and spend the time that I can never recapture. I pray that I am spending my time wisely and that I will not forsake the things that are really important. I pray that I will find a balance. I pray that God will forgive me if I have stepped outside of His will for my life...

Even as I write this, I have lost another hour. I hope that it was not in vain. I hope that someone can use it to find peace or realize how precious each minute is and to spend it with someone they love. I hope that God will use this to open my eyes to the things unseen and to remind me of the precious gifts He has already given me. I hope that He is not disappointed in me if I did step off His path and if I did, I hope that my pride won't get in the way of allowing me to do His will.

Life isn't always grand and I can't always sugar coat this blog with how great everything is. Sometimes life is tough and this is just the real me trying to deal with the cards at hand. I don't always have the right things to say or the right answers. I am just little old me trying to do the best I can with the time I have been given. Don't lose anymore of your time! Go spend it with those that matter most :)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11